Ok. I've decided. This is the last blog I will ever post about Swiss Giant because I'm fed up. I don't like being in second place. I don't like feeling unappreciated. I don't like being patronised. And I don't like being hurt. I also don't like not having my own thinking time to myself. I spend far too much time thinking about him when there are better things to do. So I'm going to forget.
I can't quite bring myself to block him... or delete him. Not yet anyway. But maybe I will be able to someday. He doesn't need me any more. And I am FAR better off without him.
I realised a couple of seconds ago that the reason why I am so upset is because I've taken a real hit to my self esteem now. I really feel.... unappreciated and.... not worth it. It's really quite.... sad. I just feel sad really =) not like crying sad. Just that heavy feeling you get in your chest kind of sad.
And the thing that annoys me more than anything is the fact that he keeps on talking about how fragile he is and how he is afraid tog et hurt.... when he's pretty much just done exactly what he fears to me. =/ Thanks.
God I really need to get over it now. I don't even like him that much! Not any more! I used to! But now I'm just really angry and upset with him. The only reason why it may seem I care is because it's my jealous nature taking over.
Oh for Christ's sakes. I always make everything seem do dramatic. ¬¬ I just don't want to care any more! But at the same time I still want things to go back to the way they were. The days when I'd look forward to coming home and having a conversation with him. Or watching a movie together. Those were the good times. Just as we started watching movie, just before he had his first "phase" and didn't talk to me for ages. Then he came back and slowly our friendship built up more, and this time it really did feel like friendship. But then someone else stepped in.
And I always blame myself for being so jealous! I did nothing wrong!! I mean for crying out loud! I tried to give him ADVICE on how to make things work with that girl! That's how hard I was trying not to be jealous and thinking "It's ok, she's not going to take your place."
Well she fucking has! And I don't give a shit any more! I don't want to be in Swiss Giants group of saddo friends who he has never met before. I don't want to be at the top of the fickle list where everyday he is flirting with every single thing in the world. I don't want to be a part of the friendship any more.
Some friend you were.
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