Betty Herbert

I've been thinking about my blog a lot more than usual recently for a few reasons.

1. I have pinned the tab to my browser so I think about writing it far more often.
2. I have just finished re-reading 52 Seductions by Betty Herbert, which is a blog put together as a book about a couple's one year journey to improve their dead bedroom sex life.
3. I read a few blog posts out to Fuzzy last tonight.

So I am currently feeling much more inspiration to write more posts, and make them better quality! I do like that it seems to have developed into a bit of a diary because there is something very satisfying about reading about your past thoughts. It is almost like reliving the memory because my accounts are usually very truthful and detailed. The only problem with this though is that with honesty comes the risks of offending people or compromising yourself, hence why I am keeping it private it for now! Maybe in a few years time (if I am still going) I can go back and make it public. I am really quite proud of how long I have been going! This is now my fifth year! It's like finally being on the other side of all those projects that you start with the ending in sight. Not that I am going to end it. Who would when I could keep it going even longer?

I have also been slightly inspired by one of my friends on Facebook who has taken up this "100 Happy Days" challenge in which you photograph and post about one thing that makes you happy each day, for 100 days. He is doing extremely well currently, with 50 or so days already done, and looking at what he has chosen to be happy about is really admirable and makes me feel like he really must be enjoying his life! I want to be appreciative like that if I can. So I am going to attempt to do something similar here. Maybe not every day like he has done, but certainly as often as I can remember to do it!

I mentioned earlier that I have been sharing my blog posts with Fuzzy. We have been video chatting a bit more the past few days, usually ending in some kind of sexual something, which is really quite satisfying seeing as we are both desperately horny and wanting to see each other. It also makes me feel a bit risqué and empowered. It also provides relief because the whole issue surrounding that stupid phone sex is still hanging around a bit. He brought it up the first time we did something on camera, saying that he didn't want to suggest doing it because of that time. That irked me a bit, but I suppose it is my fault anyway. So my stance on it is ignore that issue like it never happened and just power through to enjoy doing what we're doing anyway, and he'll just have to power through with me or stay behind. Which is what he doing anyway so all is quite well and good! I'm missing him a lot more now, I really wish I could disregard all this work and just get him here already! But I shouldn't be thinking like that, I should be more concerned with getting it done so I can get him here. I already have some kind of idea of how long it will be before he comes down, not only because of my workload but because of something he told me last night. I have been itching to ask what he is doing about his ex situation for a while but too afraid of making him angry by putting pressure on him. So I managed to ask him about something related to that last night which prompted him to talk about it anyway. He informed me that the ex is coming up to Sheffield on the 11th with her new boyfriend and that he is going to take this opportunity to bring her the rest of her stuff that he still has in his house and tell her about me and then there will be no ties left at all. This both relieves and worries me. I am glad that he is thinking along the lines of getting it over with and just cutting all. But I am also really worried about him seeing her. They haven't talked face to face in so long and when they do it usually causes arguments. Also, her new boyfriend might be there, what kind of hell situation is that? For fucking everyone involved! My greatest fear is that it will make him jealous and spark some of the old emotions. I guess we'll have to see, I just want to tell everyone that I am seeing him for fucks sake.

My work is going slowly lately, I've had a few lapse days, Davina and food wise. I too easily succumb to temptation it's stupid. The motivation to get back into it is still there though. I need to get an early night tonight to sort my shit out.

Anyway, I'm a bit fed up of typing now. Until later pickle.
Rhubarb
xxxxxxxxx