I am such a dick.

Really. I am a massive twat.

me and fuzzy were talking again and it was all good and nice! And then today he rang me because he had to vent and I was listening! I was! But I checked a text that came through twice and he got pissed. And I totally understand because it was really rude and I feel really bad. I apologised but I fucking hate the thought of him being mad at me and there is nothing more that I can do! Seriously, I am such a mess right now. It's just added to another thing I hate about myself, being s fucking stupid and thoughtless. And I'm just being so dramatic and stupid I know I am but it's driving me crazy! This fucking mood. I couldn't stop crying over dinner! Genuinely, I felt so pathetic. I'm just crying all the time. I hate myself right now. Everything about myself, why the hell does he like me.

I am a fucking shit person. There is nothing about me appealing at all.

I look like a fucking fat mong. Everything about the way I look is unattractive.
I am a needy, jealous pathetic fucking person who cannot get a grip.
Not only am I shit to myself but I am shit to everyone around me as well.
I'm fucking weak, because for the past two weeks there have been maybe 4 days in which I haven't cried! Go me!
WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME!?

I really hate myself right now. And I hate being by myself because I just put myself down all the time. I really want to just crawl into a hole right now. Fuzzy is mad at me. I'm so upset. I hate knowing he is mad at me, worst of all he has a right to. What more can I do?! I know I have to give him space, I hope he's not too mad!

Even THIS!? Is just fucking pathetic, OK so he's a bit pissed off but he will get over it because he is a reasonable person and you apologised. But girl you gotta let it go! Stop dwelling on it, it will do nothing. Now I have to go out with a bunch of people and pretend to be happy because I can't stand being in my own head at the moment.

Fucking hell. I need a cuddle. I need someone to distract me from myself right now. I hate this.