Work on. Work off. Work on.

Mama mia!

For someone that has nothing going on.... I have a lot going on right now! =P

My exams are over! Some went better than expected. others went... SO TERRIBLY HORRID! My MAIN concern... for my future, is that I wont be getting into Uni =/ and there is a very big possibility of that happening. And what then? I'm trying not to think about it right now. *breathe in breathe out*

Concern numero dos. Mane face. That girl will be the death of me. I think if it's at all possible to love someone... TOO much.. then I am guilty of that with her. I've let my jealousy get the better of me which is something I should NEVER do! It's my greatest weakness. But I really can't help but be envious of her and her other best friend. They have been best friends for ages. And when she (let's call her loopy) is around I cannot get Mane face to myself and they're always all over each other. And it's unintentionally I'm more than sure because Mane face is not the kind of person to be spiteful, but it really hits home for someone like me who gets jealous easily. Not only that but we had an argument the other day. I was in a bad mood and I made it a lot worse than it could have been and I started crying which is a big nono. I was mainly upset over two things
1. The fact that she thought I didn't want to spend time with her. Which is SO completely NOT true that it hurt. Because I then felt like maybe she doesn't actually SEE how much I treasure her friendship. I mean dear LORD do I not do enough? I try so hard to make her happy! But to also give her her space and I can never get the right balance!
2. I was also angry because when she got mad, she didn't talk to me and then left me with no opportunity to change what I had done. How am I supposed to solve things if people don't talk to me about what goes wrong?

And also following this argument she brought up some... less than desirable aspects of my personality. Which was pretty darn hurtful actually. It's all very well and good for her to stand there and yell at me for suggesting that she needs to change the way she does things, when she then stands there and downright has a go at me for the way I do things! And it hurt. I'm very good at noticing negative aspects of my personality, she just happened to highlight one that I wasn't aware was a bad thing.

So! Rhubarb takes another hit to her self esteem! *BAM* -10points

I'm trying my hardest to sort my attitude out to make her happy now. I really want to enjoy our holiday and I WILL NOT let it be spoiled by my negative thoughts or ANYTHING else! I don't even care if she wants to spend the whole time with Loopy. I will try my hardest to let her do what she wants!

Concern number 3 is Rowie. Things with her sister aren't getting much better. I haven't even SEEN her since the exams and she refuses to see me before I go on holiday because she needs to be there for family. Which I understand, but could she not even let me come round to be there with her? So. I'm worried about her, and once again our friendship deteriorates due to lack of contact. I've even wrote her a flippin' letter! ¬¬


I'm feeling more than lonely right now. Since I've been having difficulties with my two best friends and they are my only way to survive. I'm finding it hard.

Hopefully I'll be able to sort myself out before this holiday. I really want it to go well. =(