OK, so I'm changing Mechanic Guy's nickname to fuzzy because MC isn't very warm and I call him fuzzy to his face now so yes.
Fuzzy came down to London for a bit and we hung out, it was frakking awesome! For the first few days I got the tube down to see him because he was staying in a hotel and doing work, the first night we had really amazing sex because he came in my mouth and I really bloody enjoyed it! I really did, it didn't taste bad and I liked the fact that it pleased him so much. I have only done it again once since then because I'm a little nervous. I do like the idea of it but when it happens because I'm not in control and there is so damn much of it I get a bit overwhelmed =P but I hope to be doing that a lot more in the future. I also hung out with him and his Dad for a bit which was good because apparently his Dad said to him that he thinks I'm a sensible girl ^_^ which makes me really happy because I really want his Dad to like me =D
Then he came back to mine and stayed for a week and that was both really good and really bad =P because. For the first two days his ex kept getting in the way. He told her that he had met up with me for like.. half an hour and then gone back to Liverpool. Which isn't even half of the truth but the girl threw a shit fit and he had to step outside and take the fucking phone call. And that made him all stressed and me a bit upset, but he managed to sort it out and eventually she stopped getting in the way. After that we had a really good time together. We talked a lot and just did a lot of hanging out and being lazy in bed. We went for a few walks which were really nice. We also managed to expel a few demons by talking about a lot of things. One night in particular was pretty rough because...
We had had such an amazing day, fucking horny as fuck, just winding each other up the whole day and both of us really looking forward to sex that night but as we got closer to bed time he got a bit quiet, we were watching GoT and then when we turned it off he just rolled over and acted really moody. I started grinding on him and basically saying "fuck me... fuck me..." but he just said "I'm not really in the mood tonight." which was bull because we had both been super horny all day. That made me really upset but I thought OK whatever, maybe he'll sleep it off. In the middle of the night he woke up with a start which he tends to do, but then he stood up and sat at the other end of the room for like... 10 minutes. I asked him twice if he was OK and he said he was but I could tell something was wrong. Eventually he got back into bed and we hugged and then had the most uncomfortable sex ever. It felt like he wasn't there at all and that he was just fucking me to expel anger or because he had to or something. I should have said something but I really wanted it to be good. After it was over I told him it was weird and we talked about it and he apologised. He told me that basically he had had a bad mood creeping up on him and a few things I did that night like not showing enough affection or making a joke about Drogo made him even more upset which he then let get to him and yeah.... he felt really bad afterwards and whilst I wish it didn't happen I'm also really glad it did because we managed to talk about a few things that were bothering us.
We did have a lot of good sex outside of that. The night before he went was the best because he tied me up which is something I've always wanted but have been afraid or embarrassed of, so that was really fucking hot, and I hope to god that will happen more in the futura.
One thing that felt really good about this visit was that because we did really mundane things it reaffirmed the fact that we can just hang out. Also it felt like I finally crossed the bridge where I no longer look at him as a stranger but he is now someone I know and really like. I really do like him, a lot. And he said so many things that made me happy. He said how he wanted to go out with me but just couldn't. How I make his heart go faster and how he looked at me once and felt a rush of endorphins. He also told me he had a dream where he was convincing my mum that he cared a lot about me and would take care of me. I'm so not used... to being around someone that likes me as much as I like them... if not more. It's weird to say but I do get the feeling that maybe he likes me more... I'm not sure if that is just because he finds it easier to express or not. One thing is for sure though, I really fucking like him, everything about him, even the moodiness, and I really want to be around him and be a part of his life and have him be a part of mine. I'm finally getting to a point where introducing him to my family isn't that much of a unwelcome thought now. I actually want him to meet them and vice versa although that will probably not happen for a long time anyway just simply because I am not living there any more. But I hope he does get the chance to meet them, I think they'd allg et along really well.
One thing that is still bothering me... but I'm not sure if it's in a good way or not is how much he compares me to his ex. It is never in a "oh she did this so much better than you" it's always the other way around but it just makes me worry that he only likes me because I'm not like her in those aspects....
We'll see how it goes. Needless to say I am very happy. I can't wait to see him again which will only be in two weeks anyway and I can't wait to call him mine. I just want him to be my fuzzy... no one else's. Which he wont be until he gets rid of his ex. He keeps waiting for her to move away or for her to call it, but anyone can see that that is not going to happen. I just wonder how long he will hold out and try to keep her around. I will be as supportive as I can be, because no one needs the other person being on their back as well. It just sucks, y'know? He won't ever be fully mine until she is out of the picture because he is still putting her feelings first. I just hope that balance will start to tip ... don't know how long I am going to be OK with that.
Saying good bye this time was really weird. The day he was supposed to leave had some really terrible vibes. I was so upset when he drove away that I went back inside put sad music on and had a cry. But then when I took my headphones off I found two missed calls and it turned out he was round the corner with a flat tire. So I jogged round and hopped in his car and went with him to get it sorted out and then we went to eat and during that time I managed to convince him to stay another night =P which I am exceedingly glad I did because when he left this morning it did not feel NEARLY as bad. I miss him and I want him here, but I actually kind of need him to go so I can sort uni work out. And it's only two weeks anyway. And the good news is if the time go fast then great I get to see him sooner but if it goes slowly then also great because I have c/w due xD
It's so crazy how far this has progressed... reading back entries a few months ago seems so weird xD
Speak soon
Rhubarb
xxxxxx
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