Dude. I was baaaad yesterday. I ate so much cake that I got a sugar rush and my heart was going really fast. Today has been better though xD went for a run and everything. I have new motivation for this month... and it's pretty morally questionable... but it will work. So... I've booked the coach tickets to go see Mechanic Guy again! (Woo xD) but it's not until September, so I have to wait for a whole bloody month! At least it means I have a lot of time to try and lose a bit more weight before I see him, however, in this month he is going to be meeting up with his ex a lot because they are trying the "friends" thing again because she feels that she can't cut him completely out yet. After this month however she will be moving away. So it is just this month I will have to endure. BUT. She is a girl, and if she thinks anything like me, she will be using this month to make herself seem as appealing as possible to try and win him back. So I have to step up my game. Two can play at this. I will not lose to her. This is the motivation I am using to get back on track this month.
I think I've been making progress on that front as well because I introduced him to reddit and some good subreddits including nudey ones, which he thought was really cool that I linked him. So, I got brownie points for that. On that note, I am discovering something I have never had the opportunity to discover before, and that is being so sexually open in a colloquial way with a guy! And it is so refreshing! With my girlfriends I am able to say whatever comes to my head, talk about porn, share links etc. But never with a guy, I was always too shy, but ever since I broke that barrier I have slowly become more comfortable with it and I love it! I'm glad that Mechanic Guy gets to see that side of me, especially because he seems to think it's a good thing that I am so open about shit.
I really miss him. I want to be around him again, I want to be able to touch him again and hug him. I want to be in his stupid low car again xD and for us to just hang out. I really miss the twat even though I've only met him once for crying out loud. I can't wait! We're going away for 9 days, it is going to be so awesome. One thing that worries me is how much it will suck having to come back home this time. If it was bad last time... holy fuck... it is going to be hard.
Also... right... so. He wants to sleep in separate bloody tents for crying out loud. Which I understand and appreciate. But fuck. I want to shag him so much. Yet, I say that, and I became stupidly shy last time. And when I think about being intimate with him I become really self concious because he will be my first, I'm worried about being shit xD I feel like such a teenager saying this but it's true. I want to, but I don't. So I guess secretly I am glad that he has taken that pressure away, but at the same time I'm like "really!?". I just hope I get to sleep beside him for at least one night.
Come on September. I don't know how long I can wait.
xxxxx
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