High Hopes

Do you know what I set out to do tonight? Get drunk, and have a good time. And out of that list, which consists of two measly items, I did nothing. I did not get drunk despite the 7 vodka tailored drinks (4 of which were double) and I did not have  good time because of my precious ego. I looked great tonight. FUCKING GREAT. I spent hours, HOURS, getting ready and I felt fucking good. Everyone said I did and I went out with my ego fucking well touching the ceiling. But by the end of the night I was rock bottom. And why? Because not one. NOT ONE! Guy even spared me a glance. And FUCK YOU reddit and whoever fucking else thinks I'm a slut for wanting guy attention. Do you know what? I looked NICE tonight. FUCKING NICE. Not slutty or shitty. I looked good. GREAT. In my fucking opinion. And god forgive me for wanting a bit of male attention in my desperately male lacking life. I looked good. Or I thought I did. But it's the same fucking story. Against my friends, who didn't even put in half the effort I did to look good tonight, I wasn't awarded a single glance. Sure all of them chatted up my other friends, danced with them. I got nothing. And it feels shit. So shit. I don't fucking care how desperate this seems. I feel like I'm the Ugly Betty of the group. But I'm not. I'M NOT! At least I think I'm not. The evidence does seem to indicate in the other direction though. So that was my night, my big night out this summer ruined because of what? My sensitive ego? The lack of male attention. Both of those things I imagine. and don't anyone fucking judge me. In a life void of male attention I'm allowed to hope for a little recognition, especially on a night where I try my FUCKING BEST to look great. But I didn't so that's good. I'm just going to go back to my fucking hole now. I hate myself for feeling like this.